Fear Factor "A Game of Inches" 04-05-04

Welcome back after a week off to an all new episode. Stepping up to the plate this week are:

Kara Watkins - Waitress from Modesto, California. She says she's competitive even when shopping. Umm.ok.

Kevin Nosar - Rock Climbing Instructor from Pasadena, California. He says most people think he's a freak because of the way he looks (a cross between The Crow and The Matrix). I guess I'm one of those people.

Andrew Hanzlik - Shrimp Farmer from Riegelsville, Pennsylvania. Shrimp on a farm? It must be a real pain in the ass to milk those little guys.

Shawnie Kehl - Escrow Assistant from Bountiful, Utah. She's been playing softball all her life, and claims to be able to throw one really fast and chug a beer even faster. Hmm, sounds like my kind of girl.speaking of softballs, it looks like she brought a couple along with her.

Ryan May - Ranch Hand from Vail, Colorado. It's easy to tell Ryan's a cowboy, from the way he's walking it looks like he just got off a horse.

Masuimi Max - Fire Eater from Las Vegas, Nevada. A self proclaimed "fire eater/contortionist that likes to walk around naked". I think I'm in love. And thanks to our own SnowFlake Girl, we've already been treated to her tattooed hotness.

The gang assembles in a tunnel, where host Joe Rogan is there waiting for them. Joe goes through the usual opening speech, and shows them the first stunt:

More Truck Surfing
Contestants must stand on the back of a tanker truck as it drives through the tunnel and grab flags that are hanging from the ceiling. The truck will also be driving over speed bumps. They must hold onto the flags for them to count, and the 2 men and 2 women with the most flags will move on. The person with the most flags will get to pick the order of the next stunt.

Kevin gets things started, and Joe questions his "look". Neo Kev claims it's Industrial. Whatever that means. He gets underway, and is a bit shaky at first, missing a bunch of the early flags. He's able to ride it out, and finishes with 14 flags.

Ryan is up next, and seems rather calm with what's about to take place. He gets into position and gets going a lot smoother than Kevin. I guess riding bulls and that other cowboy stuff paid off, because Ryan has an easy time with this, getting 23 flags to take the lead.

Andrew is up next, and I just can't help but think - shrimp gumbo, shrimp stew, shrimp cocktail, fried shrimp, coconut shrimp. . Anyhoo, Andy gets going and has some trouble at first, missing a few at the beginning. He finds a rhythm through the middle section before missing a bunch at the end. But with 21, that will send Kevin home.

Shawnie is up first for the ladies, and thankfully is wearing a low cut top as she crouches in a sprinter's position on top of the truck. I would like to thank the designer of that harness she's wearing. She starts off strong, but slows down near the end. Shawnie ends up with a total of 14 flags.

Masuimi is up next, displays her tattoos, and shows off one of her contortionist "moves". Lying on her stomach, she brings her legs and her top half up, and is almost bent in half.backwards. It must be cold in that tunnel too, as I nearly fall out of my chair while I watch that in slow-motion. Masuimi gets going with a good pace, and is able to keep it together straight to the end. She ends up with 20 flags.

Kara finishes this stunt and starts out on fire, grabbing everything at the beginning. She has some trouble with the middle section, but is able to put away a few more before reaching the end. Kara has 19, and that sends Shawnie down the walk of shame.

The remaining 4 arrive in a warehouse to find Joe standing in front of a table with a covered bowl on top.

Hey Man, Nice Shot
On the wall is a big, round target split into 4 sections. Top left section has the #1, top right has #3, bottom left has #3, and bottom right has #2. Contestants will fire potatoes from a bazooka-like gun that's slung over their shoulder. The number they hit will be the number of live potato bugs they will have to eat. These critters look like termites on steroids.

Ryan, having grabed the most flags, selects an order of Andy, Kara, Masuimi, and then himself.

Andy steps up to the firing line, and Joe loads the gun. He fires off the shot and hits a 3. Back at the table, he picks up a bug, only to have it bite him. He grabs it again and pops it into his mouth as the others squeal. He gets that one down and moves on to the next without much trouble. We hear a loud crunch from his third, and the girls are completely freaked out by it. He is able to polish off the little critters and move on to the next round.

Kara's up next, and the guys comment on how hot she looks holding the gun. Even though they remind me of Beavis & Butthead, I have to agree, she does look hot uh huh huh . Her first shot ends up in the rafters somewhere, her second is a dud and never leaves the barrel, but on her third she hits a 3 as well. She's hesitant at first, but then grabs one and bites the head off. She chokes that one down and takes the same approach with the next 2. Kara moves on to the finals.

Masuimi is next, and looks a bit like Lara Croft holding the gun. She hits a 1 and marches over to the table. She picks the little guy up, licks her lips, and I damn near pass out. She uses Kara's strategy and chomps his little head off before finishing off the rest. She comments that it tastes like sushi, and Joe asks where she's been eating and tells her she might want to consider changing restaurants. On to the finals for my new girlfriend.

Ryan finishes this stunt, but luck isn't on his side as he gets a 3. Time for him to "cowboy up" as he pops the first one in his mouth. He struggles a bit, but manages to get it down. The second one bites him on the lip in a feeble attempt to escape, but it's all for nothing as Ryan devours him and his little friend too, and moves on to the finals.

The four musketeers make their way up a hillside and arrive at a rock quarry. Joe welcomes them and shows them the final stunt:

Playing Chicken
Contestants will sit in a car holding 6 keys. They must find the key that starts the car and then drive it to the finish line. Sounds easy right? HA! Four giant bulldozers will be slowly heading towards the car trying to push it off the cliff (which is about a 40 foot drop). The person that gets the farthest the fastest will win.

Andy is up first, and is a bit nervous. He gets suited up, climbs into the car, and gets the countdown. Andy fumbles through a few keys as the dozers get closer. Poor Andy runs out of luck and time as the first dozer hits the car and pushes it over the side, sending him and the car tumbling.

Kara is up next, and is confident on getting it on the first key. She gets ready and starts on the keys. Well, so much for getting the first one, she too fails to start the car and ends up taking a tumble.

Ryan is next and gets into position. He moves quickly through the keys and is able to start the car with the 4th key. He puts the car into gear, but the dozer is right on him. Ryan manages to move the car 5 inches before being pushed over.

All eyes are on Masuimi in her little jumpsuit as she gets into the car. She goes through a few keys, and the dozers close in. Unfortunately, she is unable to start the car and our little fire eater must now eat some dirt. Aww so sad, how about a hug?

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